I<3LA

Hi my loves,

I just wanted to check in with everyone, especially fellow Los Angeles residents during this devastating time and hopefully offer a little bit of light, support and love. It's been hard for me to feel confident in where to even start a sentence. On the one hand I feel so extremely beyond grateful to have a place to lay my head at night but with that comes feelings of guilt and helplessness. Feeling absolutely triggered and stuck in freeze, fight or flight. Some days I'm like a robot go go go and then will break out in tears out of nowhere. I have spoken to friends over the past week; some who have lost everything, some who have had to evacuate more than once, some who have had no power for days, some who are still safe, yet worried and feeling devastated for their community, friends & family.

I just really want to emphasize that the most important thing right now is to ground in a place of love within ourselves. To connect with our hearts first. It is very, very tempting to point fingers and to judge. I've had to catch myself MANY times over this past week. Judging myself, judging others. It is nobody's job to play God right now. Everyone is going to handle trauma like this completely different and we have no way of knowing what or why they do the things they do or say the shit they say. Hell some days I don't even understand why I act the way I do. Our triggers live so deep within us, and when something absolutely catastrophic happens like this, that is genuinely too large to even fully understand or digest - especially while our brains and nervous systems are working overtime trying to protect us - it's just all too easy to judge how another is handling their fear/grief/loss/anger because we don't know what the fuck else to do. It's scary! And it happened so fucking fast.

Mind you, some people have been truly disgusting - don't even get me started on the looting - but the online comments and assumptions.. Massively difficult to look away from that but God handles those people. I never ever think it couldn't be me because God has a way of showing us that yes indeed it can. Tomorrow. It can be truly impossible for some to grasp the concept that we are all connected, we are all one. God / The Universe / Source, whatever name you prefer, has some pretty spectacular ways of proving this to us to bring us back into our hearts. 

Guilt is another useless emotion in a time like this, UNLESS you do something bad. I always say guilt is only good as a barometer for your actions and like, knowing if you've acted like a piece of shit or not. You do something shitty, you feel guilt, that's a good thing. You're aware and you fix it and you forgive yourself and you move on. Feeling guilty about being safe and having a home right now is normal but it is not helpful. Do something. Even if that thing is sitting in meditation or prayer and imagining the best case scenario. The best thing you can do for someone you care about is imagine the best case scenario. Imagine Los Angeles being heaven on earth. Imagine the community coming together in a love so powerful - which I have to say, I'm already seeing and it brings me to tears.

I have lived here for 13 years and this city is not for the weak. It's for the insanely courageous, passionate, fearless and dedicated. Some of the best people I've ever met in my life are from California. Tough. And ALL HEART. And what I do know for sure is that the city will rebuild more beautiful and stronger than ever. And what I do hope is that an even deeper connection in community is felt and formed in the process. 

I love you all and even if you're not from here, I promise, even just a silent prayer is impactful. I am going to list some links below that I have donated to and some that friends have either shared and/or worked directly with. In my office, we are donating brand new clothes and making goodie bags for those in need. Remember this is not going away tomorrow so if you can't help now, don't worry. DON'T feel guilty. Save some information that speaks to you and come back to it when you can. I don't think there's anything in the world that feels better than being of service to another when it's centered in your heart. It makes me feel like a care bear with love just BEAMING out of me. Like I could fly. There is nothing more important than that. Be the light. Be present in your interactions. Be thankful and share that love through your eyes with everyone you encounter. Especially when you want to judge, those might be the most important times.

I love you I love you I love you. 
Laina 

Altadena Girls
Dream Center 
Displaced Black Families GoFundMe Directory
Altadena Homes GoFundMe directory from the Quinones sisters 
GoFundMe for my close friends who lost their family home in Altadena
Venmo Link for one of my best friend's Celeste Rodrigues who is using all funds and going around to all fire departments literally all over AND different donation spots - whoever needs it! She posts all her drop offs on IG @celesterodrigues_ so you know where it's going!!!