Today's post was written by my dear friend Destiney.
@destineybleu - IG // Twitter
SELF [CARE] LOVE
This has been a fun one to write for me, I have a whole ass
degree in communications but have spent the last 10 years away
from writing. I’ve truly missed it and hope some of the things that
helped me can help you too! If you know anything about me, you
know I went from being an angel full of light to living on a dark
cloud to finding my wings again and living in a world of silver
linings. You're never too old to find new ways to take care of
yourself or fall in love with yourself and my life is proof of that.
Stretching + Meditation.
Being a ballerina since age 3, stretching has always been a part
of my routine. After tearing some ligaments in my knees, I
stopped dancing a couple years ago. Not expressing myself
through movement has been a huge trigger for my depression,
but reincorporating stretch and movement back into my day has
helped me pivot, no pun.
Back in October I decided to spend 15-30 minutes everyday
stretching and getting into my body. Putting ME first before I
tackled any emails or tried to solve anyone else’s problems. For a
good bit I felt guilty making time for myself, but it’s important to
get back to the root of why we feel like we shouldn't take priority
over all the trivial shit that lives outside of our front door. You truly
can’t win if you ain’t right within. I know I never learned the
importance of feeding your subconscious good thoughts, but I do
know that the 15-30 mins I used to spend stretching before
rehearsal growing up, surely prepared my mental space for the
next few hours of my life. Mental rehearsal if you will. While life is
no rehearsal, and everyday is a piece of the big picture, taking
some moments to yourself is the best investment you'll ever
make. Peace of mind comes piece by piece.
Rad Side Story: Early March I reached out to Laina because I
knew she was someone in my life who was a mirror, who isn’t, but
her reflection was something I wanted to further explore.
Someone I was inspired by, someone I could trust, someone who
I felt lived by example. I knew she had went through some dark
times in recent years and had made a commitment to find the
light. I saw her making changes and it shined through her words
AND her work. You could see her shedding an old skin, in real
time…and her new collections that were birthed in this process
have been some of my favorites. It hits different when you know
someone loves what they’re creating. It was so epic to witness
someone take their power back and and find her light and BE the
light. It’s quite contagious, if you're open to it.
Laina told me a plethora of steps I could take, but one that
resonated with me the most was Abraham Hicks. I’ll let you do
your googles on that, but real ones know! I swapped out my
stretch + music vibes with 10-15 minute Abraham Hicks gems
that I found on YouTube. Everyday I just pull it up on Apple TV
and find one with a title that speaks to me for the day and tap in. I
have never been so deep into the vortex. It’s been a nice new
practice to get my subconscious filled with positive vibes while I
pump my body full of new oxygen. Im a true weirdo, I breathe with
so much intent, it’s almost as if I can feel the oxygen coming in
and pushing out anything toxic.
Laina also reminded me that our body is a not only a vessel, but a
temple. You must treat it with adoration, you deserve the best. It’s
important to observe what I was putting into my body, everything
holds an energy, and some of it is legit poison. What you
consume, consumes you. That’s social media, it’s food, water, air
and even the people you let take up space in your life. With all the
hoarding and restaurants closing, I had no choice but to shop with
intention. Intentions of nourishing and healing my body, and most
importantly keeping my immune system to tier. Bitch, the change
in my mood and energy level within weeks of having to fend for
I felt like a whole new gal. Inside and out.
Limiting Social Media Consumption
I muted all the virus words one week in, not because it’s not real,
but because there is only so much information that is useful for
me or my spirit. The over saturation and manipulation via the
media is overwhelming and fear mongering. At the time testing
wasn't available and all non essential business had to close. For
me it felt like a psychological test, was I going to live in fear and
constantly think of the worst case scenario or was I going to use
what I’ve learned and implement it into my life? Shit, if the world is
coming to an end, I should try to put in the work to live out my
dreams using the resources I have.
Being an empath, I absorb everything. Everything makes me cry, I
can see some unfair shit trending and it used to throw off my
whole day. I’d be mad or sad and let those feelings outweigh
anything good that was going on. It’s a weird self sabotage
situation in my opinion, no shade cuz duh, were humans, but also
as an adult human, I have be accountable to where I’m spending
my time. That’s the one thing we can never get back or buy more
of. Let me tell you, cleaning up my timeline didn’t erase what was
going on, but it helped me protect my energy, protect my magic,
provide me with a a non toxic bubble if you will. Of course it’s
normal to feel a little delusional when you choose joy over pain,
but doing the deep internal work will help you unlearn some of
those conditioned behaviors. We were taught to focus the
problems, not the solutions….and I was definitely was not taught
how to filter out the things that don't serve my higher self.
There are many wonderful books/videos from Joe Dispenza on
this topic, he introduced me to the power of the mind and the
concept that being mad is a choice. He gave me one of my
biggest paradigm shifts ever and opened my eyes to the fact that I
so often hold onto things that are not the best feeling thought, and
that those bad moods often turn into personality traits. If you think
thoughts and money aren't related, he is definitely someone to
look more into.
I wont even get into social media and the awful influence it can
have on our self esteem. But the saying “comparison is the thief
of joy” is some trill shit and if where you're spending your time is
stealing your joy, consider reinvesting it elsewhere. Like in
Honoring my natural circadian rhythm
I have been a night owl my whole life, like I would not even wake
up for Saturday Morning cartoons. They say when you were born
has a lot to do with when you operate best and I was born at
3:59a which makes a lot of sense. The magic hour is when I work
best, I literally can get more done between 2-5a than I can in a
whole Monday 9-5. Not that I ever work that early, unless I’m up
from the night before lmfao.
I work with a lot of celebrities [while simultaneously running a
retail clothing line] and this involves pulls for shoots and lots of
[often unrealistic] last minute custom looks. For awhile I accepted
every job, a lot of the times for ego, but mostly because I was
desperate for money. Time and time again I would put orders on
the back burner to people please. I didn’t trust that the universe
would bring me what I needed financially if I didn’t work myself to
death. Deffo was working harder not smarter.
I was operating from a place of lack, I was waking up pissed to go
to work, not wanting to work on anything new because I was so
convinced no one wanted my stuff anymore. Days and days
without any sales will fuck your mind up and trick you into
believing you and your work is undesirable. It’s a pretty gross
cycle I stayed in for at least a year. In hindsight I’ve learned that
following your intuition and executing your vision often brings you
more money, and way more peace of mind. Prioritizing yourself
and your needs signals the universe that you are worthy of
abundance. When you work yourself to death and constantly
people please, you're letting the universe know you don't value
yourself. It was a harsh reality for me to accept, but now that I’ve
adapted to the faith over fear mindset.
When the virus hit, all my celebrity stuff came to a halt and we
had to work on a rotating schedule to fulfill orders, and keep in
mind we were bobbing and weaving around being a *non
essential* business and on and off curfews. It was rad, I no longer
had to be at the office at a decent time and I could go there at the
end of the day and bring work home because at the time I was
low-key scared to get caught in my office after dark… It was such
a blessing in disguise, I was able to go back to making magic out
of my spare room, which ironically was the original dazzle land. I
didn’t have pressure on my back anymore, people weren't being
crazy over their orders because even Amazon Prime wasn't able
to keep up. I think having people off my back helped me get off
my own back. I was able to tap back in and remember why I
started. I found joy in creating again. I got excited when people
posted my work again. I remembered my magic. I’d forgotten a lot
basing my success off material / financial success.
Since there were so many rules to abide by, it almost forced me to
get my logistics down for d.bleu.dazzled. I learned how to
outsource more and plan our days better. We began to be more
efficient in a day than we would normally be in a week…and that’s
with two people doing all the work, myself included.
I started blocking off hours to work, and allowing myself time to do
my own thing. House stuff, personal self care, laying around and
binging tv, or cooking bomb meal for myself. Whatever I decided
truly. Remembering that I am the owner of my time and that I get
to decide how I spend it, all the work didn’t feel so dreadful
When I first started my brand, I was dancing professionally. I was
submitting to castings and/or auditioning all day, gigging at night
and shooting dazzle and completing orders all through the night.
Getting up at 12 and stopping by the post office on my way to
Malibu where id go to re-up my energy and download new ideas. I
didn't know it at the time, but it was balance.
Choosing balance and changing the hours I worked shifted me
Taking an occasional walk around my neighborhood [with a joint]
or taking a drive up the PCH has proven to be wonderful for my
mental space. Malibu has always had a special space in my
heart. The water + sky combo with a mix of fresh air and
occasional dolphin just hits better than any drug….over the
counter or illegal. Reconnecting with source energy is a sure fire
way to recalibrate. I used to think it was a waste of time, but now I
understand the importance of recognizing the natural beauty that
is all around us. Lets be real, nature is the original designer.
A couple years back, a healer I was working with recommended
“Happy Pocket Full Of Money” She asked me to read a page of it
a day, the gems were so good I decided to read the whole thing.
Back in March when shit started hitting the fan, I vowed to use the
new found alone time mind my business. And to have a
successful life and/or business, your mind must be top tier.
According to my iPhone screentime, I’d spent hours scrolling
aimlessly, so I truly had no excuse to not crack open a book. A
friend of mine posted a couple pages from “Happy Pocket Full Of
Money” and I took it as a sign to pick it back up.
The book isn't just about money, true wealth is about discovering
value within yourself and value within other people and it’s not
conditional or based on anything material. Showing gratitude,
believing in abundance and creating harmony in your
relationships is like hitting the jackpot everyday you wake up.
Rad side story, two pages into reading the book I had this voice
tell me to ask everyone who follows you on twitter for $1. A little
drop of infinite intelligence, but also a seed planted from another
fantastic book called “The Aladdin Factor”. It’s written by the guys
who did the Chicken Soup For The Soul series. This is a
wonderful resource for learning how to ask for what you want,
courage, money, relationships and all that you desire. With that
being said, I did it the next afternoon and received paypal, cash
app + venmo deposits totaling in the thousands. Enough to hit my
payroll a couple days later on March 15th. People left me the
sweetest notes, some mentioning that it was their last dollar and
that I could do more with it than they could. I also received a small
grant from Kerby @ Pyer Moss AND a boost in sales. That was
my shifting moment. Knowing I was supported and that people
wanted to see me continue. If they saw my worth, maybe it was
time I did too.
Reconnecting with friends
This is the most underrated, yet obvious way to care for yourself. I
have glorified being a workaholic for a good 10-20 years at this
point. I think its super cool to be an independent person, but not
so much so that you isolate yourself from anything or anyone
good for your soul. Quarantine has helped me reconnect with my
friends on a level I hadn't before. I am an only child who used to
always be in my feelings about people not inviting my places until
I started to be more accountable and accept I was part of the
problem. Not only did I never ask anyone to do anything, I always
said “No” to every invite.
I had to make a conscious effort to be more involved, but
operating on a new schedule allotted for me to take walks around
the block, or pace my living room while I sent manic voice notes
back and forth with my BFFs. Needless to say, it became a really
great part of my daily practice. Sharing recipes, conspiracy
theories and methods to keep our heads above water became
something I really looked forward to and still do! I am closer to my
friends and know more about them than I ever did spending
actual time with them.
We all need a friend and to have a friend, you have to be a friend.
Asking for help
Being a virgo, I will literally try anything and everything if it'll keep
me from having to ask for any help. Self care isn’t always doing
everything yourself and figuring it all out yourself. It’s trusting
others to help guide you into thinking a different way and/or
helping you make other decisions. Break the habit of being
yourself every once in a while and make a different decision.
I asked twitter for help, I asked my friends for help, I asked my
higher power for help…and all of them answered my call and I am
so fucking proud to say that my business d.bleu.dazzled has done
better in June than our entire last quarter of 2019. That’s
halloween, Black Friday, Christmas and NYE….our biggest
months, dazzle season if you will.
Don’t Compete. Create.
I wish all my self love / self care tips could be this simple, but the
quicker you focus on your gifts, the quicker you fall in love with
yourself. When you undervalue what you do, the world will
undervalue who you are.